Child of Divorce Parents- Taking Control

 

In this post I continue to trace Rachel's progress during sandplay therapy as she moved to explore deeper issues. In earlier posts (see archive) I shared about the preoccupations of this 8 year old girl who was caught in the emotional turmoil of her parents' divorce. 

By the fifth session, symbols chosen included skeletons . Meanwhile she never failed to select pots and jars to hold water and food (symbols of resources and nurturing). The treasure chest which held hope and answers again appeared in her story.

In this fifth sand-story a box surrounded with danger signs was found holding the skeletons of the father in the story. In the treasure chest placed near by, Rachel filled with stones which she said were eggs. The story was again about a mother and 2 daughters, this time running a farm. Visitors who could open the skeleton box without screaming will be awarded with eggs from the treasure chest. No one succeeded in opening the box. According to Rachel's story the 2 daughters were unaware of the content in the box. They uncovered the box and screamed. The mother told them the skeletons were fake. 

I feel that Rachel was expressing fears of losing her father and yet recognising that if she could accept the loss she could move on (eggs as in growth). In an earlier session while putting the figures in the sand tray she had muttered to herself "I don't need a father". The fact that the mother and daughters were running a farm in the story held promise to growth and a new life.

Meanwhile in a separate session with the parents, together with another colleague, I had given some feedback about the repeated themes in Rachel's sandplay and encouraged them to reinforce their assurance of love for her and that she would still have access to her father. 

By the sixth and seventh sandplay sessions, Rachel's sand-stories no longer featured a mother and 2 daughters. Instead it was more about a little girl's adventures. One was about the girl finding the magic plant when eaten gave her the wisdom to outwit a hulk. Interestingly enough Rachel's seventh sand-story was about a girl and her encounter with a giant. The girl pitched a tent and set up 'no entry' signs which barred a giant from entering while she was out to fetch some medication. 

I feel in both these stories, what was taking place in Rachel was setting some emotional boundaries for herself against the significant figures in her life (represented by huge figurines). They also seemed to represent her journey to take control to 'outsmart' them.

In my next post I shall discuss how subsequent sandplay sessions reveal how Rachel seemed to have accepted the new situations in her life.

Child of Divorced Parents- Fears and Responsibiities

 

In my previous blog I discussed in brief the repeated theme of dangerous journeys in Rachel's sandplay stories during therapy. Rachel was presented for sandplay therapy as her parents were undergoing divorce proceedings. (Refer to archive for background). In this blog I shall discuss the dark issues which started to surface from the recesses of the child's mind. This usually comes about after a few sessions when the child subconsciously feels it safe to explore. Catharsis takes place when these issues are projected onto a sand story. The problem will seem less intimidating when viewed at a distance.

During the fourth sandplay session, Rachel picked all the sharks (toy figures) available on the shelf and created a sea filled with sea animals including a giant octopus and crawlies, all of which she described as dangerous. She also picked flags which served as "warnings against booby traps". In addition she selected a treasure chest and filled it with marbles. She then buried it deep in the sand on one side of the sea which was the bottom of the blue tray.

In the story which she played out on the sand tray, the family consisting of a mother and 2 daughters ( a literal representation of her own family composition ) were crossing a sea infested with "poisonous sea animals" to look for a treasure chest. In the story the younger daughter was bitten and the mother knocked unconscious by a turtle. The older daughter came to the mother's rescue but the younger girl died from the poisonous bite and the older girl buried her sister. The mother and daughter found the treasure chest.

While playing out the burying scene, Rachel's face was tense. She remarked that it was a difficult  task which took three days but  had to be done. When completed  she abruptly ended the story with the treasure chest being found. "End of story" she snapped.

In the child's mind the journey which the family was embarking was filled with danger where members could be hurt. She was also taking on a protective role which is common among children of divorced parents. They often believe it is their responsibility to relieve their parents' emotional distress. In my earlier blog I have also shared about the child's incessant worries about the father's well being.

The burying of the little sister in the story could either be some inner fears Rachel had concerning her own younger sister or could also represent some aspect of herself which she wanted to bury like an old belief or attitude. This could signal a transition or transformation symbolised by the finding of the  treasure chest which held the gems they had been searching for.

I will continue to discuss in subsequent blogs how the child's processed the divorce emotionally.

Divorce- A Dangerous Journey In a Child's Mind

 

In my previous blog I shared a story about Rachel a 8 year old girl who came for sandplay therapy as she was having nightmare and was sleep walking. Her parents were undergoing divorce.

In this blog I shall share my perception of how her mind processed her parents' divorce through the stories she played out in the sandtray at subsequent sessions. Reading the previous blog "A Child of Divorced Parents Worries" will help in understanding this blog.

The repeated themes of her stories at the sessions were:

• On the move and finding a new place
• Worry over whether there is enough food and water
• Need for lamps to light up the journey and the new house
• Danger and threats during the journey

Although sandplay therapists are not supposed to interpret the symbols and sand pictures of the clients, the recurrent themes that emerge over and over again do indicate the preoccupation of the clients' conscious and subconscious mind. 

The sand story at the second session just like the first is about a family moving to a far away place without the father. Like the father in the first story a small boat is provided for him to come along. Intuitively I feel Rachel was harbouring hopes for her father to reunite with the family. By the third sandplay session, 2 houses separated by the ocean were displayed in the sand tray. Rachel had probably accepted the fact that she had 2 homes. The ocean could represent the big gulf or a big cross over if you may.

It is no coincidence that a little oil lamp is often selected by child clients who are feeling anxious about their life circumstances. Rachel's characters in her stories never failed to pack the oil lamp when on the move. Once I quietly asked why a lamp was brought along to which she replied it was needed as it was dark camping out . On another occasion she said the new house needed to be lighted up. Children are usually fearful of the dark and this fear was evident in Rachel's mind due to the changing situation in the original family. In addition the little girl in the stories  tried to bring as many items as possible from the original home. In her words "Everything has to be brought along except for the house, of course you can't bring the house". These words are touching. She needed to make sure things currently in her life will continue to be there for her. At the same time she resigned to the fact that the original home would no longer be the same. In fact she even remarked "It will become a haunted house".

Worry over the lack of food and water continued to be a prominent theme in the first 4 sandplay sessions. Usually, water and food are symbols of care and nurture in our subconscious mind. It is quite evident that Rachel was feeling insecure and needed assurance that her parent's love for her remained intact.

A journey fraught with danger and uncertainties, a journey that crosses a big ocean or a sea infested with poisonous sea animals (as per the 4th sand story) were repeated themes. 

By the fourth and fifth sandplay sessions the stories have turned darker including skeletons and deaths. It is common in sandplay therapy that deeper issues start to surface only after a few sessions. I shall discuss this in the next blog.