Saturday, September 19, 2020

Divorce- A Dangerous Journey In a Child's Mind

 



In my previous blog I shared a story about Rachel a 8 year old girl who came for sandplay therapy as she was having nightmare and was sleep walking. Her parents were undergoing divorce.

In this blog I shall share my perception of how her mind processed her parents' divorce through the stories she played out in the sandtray at subsequent sessions. Reading the previous blog "A Child of Divorced Parents Worries" will help in understanding this blog.


The repeated themes of her stories at the sessions were:

  • On the move and finding a new place
  • Worry over whether there is enough food and water
  • Need for lamps to light up the journey and the new house
  • Danger and threats during the journey

Although sandplay therapists are not supposed to interpret the symbols and sand pictures of the clients, the recurrent themes that emerge over and over again do indicate the preoccupation of the clients' conscious and subconscious mind. 

The sand story at the second session just like the first is about a family moving to a far away place without the father. Like the father in the first story a small boat is provided for him to come along. Intuitively I feel Rachel was harbouring hopes for her father to reunite with the family. By the third sandplay session, 2 houses separated by the ocean were displayed in the sand tray. Rachel had probably accepted the fact that she had 2 homes. The ocean could represent the big gulf or a big cross over if you may.

It is no coincidence that a little oil lamp is often selected by child clients who are feeling anxious about their life circumstances. Rachel's characters in her stories never failed to pack the oil lamp when on the move. Once I quietly asked why a lamp was brought along to which she replied it was needed as it was dark camping out . On another occasion she said the new house needed to be lighted up. Children are usually fearful of the dark and this fear was evident in Rachel's mind due to the changing situation in the original family. In addition the little girl in the stories  tried to bring as many items as possible from the original home. In her words "Everything has to be brought along except for the house, of course you can't bring the house". These words are touching. She needed to make sure things currently in her life will continue to be there for her. At the same time she resigned to the fact that the original home would no longer be the same. In fact she even remarked "It will become a haunted house".

Worry over the lack of food and water continued to be a prominent theme in the first 4 sandplay sessions. Usually, water and food are symbols of care and nurture in our subconscious mind. It is quite evident that Rachel was feeling insecure and needed assurance that her parent's love for her remained intact.

A journey fraught with danger and uncertainties, a journey that crosses a big ocean or a sea infested with poisonous sea animals (as per the 4th sand story) were repeated themes. 

By the fourth and fifth sandplay sessions the stories have turned darker including skeletons and deaths. It is common in sandplay therapy that deeper issues start to surface only after a few sessions. I shall discuss this in the next blog.




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