Sunday, September 6, 2020

Child of Divorced Parents worries

 

                               

The 8 year old girl told a story. This is the broad synopsis:


Two girls and their mummy together with little brother are preparing to visit grandpa who is ill. They will go in a boat along the river. Daddy remains at home to ensure everything will run smoothly despite himself being very ill. Mummy has prepared another smaller boat for him in case he decides to come along. When mummy and the children are leaving, daddy is too sick to give their boat a push. Hence mummy has to steer and row off instead.


The scene and props behind the story were carefully enacted before the story was told. This 8 year old girl whom I shall call Rachel had come for a Sandplay therapy session. She was caught in the emotional conflict of her parents who were undergoing divorce. Rachel had selected from among shelves of symbols and small figurines, items that would form the backdrop of her story. For the first half hour, she looked serious and absorbed, quietly selecting and placing the symbols in the sandtray. Apart from the family figurines, she also picked a considerable number of water containers in various forms like jars, vases and pots.


The story seemed to develop instinctively from the recesses that harboured the emotions, thoughts and beliefs in both her conscious and unconscious mind.


“Is there a story?” I asked softly after she appeared satisfied with the display in the sandtray, and the story unfolded, words that unleashed like a river from her inner self.


The underlying anxiety expressed throughout the story was worry over the father’s well being and the preservation of the matrimonial home. Daddy in the story is unable to join the family as he remains to make sure nothing will be blown away by the strong winds. Water is contaminated and severely lacking. Clean water has to be fetched from very far away. Every one has to help fill all the containers to ensure daddy has sufficient clean water.


Despite being very ill daddy in the story has a big responsibility ahead to make sure every item at home will be in good condition. In fact as the story progressed Rachel introduced more items into the sandtray each representing something to worry about and which daddy has to attend to. This was done  in quick succession like an outpouring. The plants have to be watered, animals fed, fridge stored with food, furniture properly cleaned. It even extends to making sure sea shells are not blown away and candles have to be kept burning.


When asked about how the family in the story feel about leaving daddy behind the Rachel said they feel sad. When asked what would happen if the daddy character doesn't carry out all the duties her reply was “Then there will be no more food, no more things and no more house.”


In actual circumstances Rachel’s mother had moved out of their matrimonial home together with her two daughters to live with her own father while the divorce proceedings was ongoing. She had sought sandplay therapy for Rachel who was beginning to sleep walk on top of having nightmares.


My interpretation of her sand tray story is as follows.


The overwhelming theme of Rachel’s sandtray story seems to be the dire need to protect the original home and worries over her father’s well being. The story is laden with endless anxieties.


Thirst and the lack of water is a big thing. Water is often a symbol for nourishment and the presence of water represents healing. The fact that water is contaminated and severely lacking implies a desperate need for healing for herself and the family.


Daddy is portrayed as very ill and yet has to ensure nothing at home is blown away by strong winds. One wonders what is the girl's perception of daddy’s grave illness? In her mind he is no longer his normal healthy self. Has daddy been perceived as behaving irrationally or has mummy implied that he is ill? Whatever it is daddy seems to hold the key to ensuring the ‘house’ (the matrimonial home) remains intact and the "candles kept burning".

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